Mango Mofo Body Butter.

Size: Approximately 2 1/2 inches tall by 2 inches wide, and 4 ounces by volume.

Smells like: Juicy mango with a hint of fresh pineapple.

Ingredients: Shea butter, coconut oil, sunflower oil, color (turmeric and annatto seed), mango extract, sweet orange essential oil, pineapple extract.

Pure-Ass Natural Skincare - Embrace the Mango Magic.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the full-on fucking majestic Badgerface Mango Body Butter. We've stripped away preservatives, parabens, and all those nasty petroleum byproducts, leaving you with nothing but pure-ass natural shit. None of that fake shit here. Are you with us?

Section 2: Nightstand Reality Check - Kick Plastic Packaging to the Curb.

It's time to get real, people. Take a critical fucking look at that plastic cancer-in-a-bottle lotion perched on your nightstand. Sure, it smells good, just like a fucking Dorito factory. But let's be honest, if you smeared that shit on your skin, you'd turn orange and die. The big-ass mega corporate lotion MAN loves cramming all sorts of bad shit into supposedly nourishing-ass lotion. But we say no to bad fake shit.

Join us.

It looks like marshmallow fluff, but don't fucking eat it, ok? Fucking try and contain yourself.